It took me a whole year to update my blog~~~

 

    Why a voodoo doll? well to be honest this was the only pic on hand that somewhat explains what was happening to me since February 2021. The neat part of it is that I got summon to be temporary transfer to another department that was in need during the pandemic and I was luckily got a transfer to the ministry of health I was working at the health clinic and it was actually really really fun indeed I gave me a feeling of how might it be when we are transferred out of this particular department and honestly strengthen the motivation to do so.... I might just turn my application this year indeed cause why not?     

    I got to meet ew friends at the new place KKM and that was fun indeed, but well it was fun for a few month thing got hectic when i was again tranfered to the Vaccine unit and that was a hectic one indeed, so for the next few month after that i was like 8am to 9pm at the vaccine centre doing vluntering work for the ministry of health and it was satisfiying buttt... m body almost breaksdown at that time cause well i was day in and day out doing work and there was nearly no rest time between them it was like really tiring but i did it and it was the best time to be doing voluntering to help the people. wait was i voluntering? cause i got paid not like the student volunteer, but eyy they got paid to help us that time, well it seem that we were compensate for our work, but if you work for a commercial industry for this kind of work you been very well compensate i guess. There were many issue when i was working for the vaccine unit here in sandakan. There were time where there is no vaccine cause supply was late. Then there those who are not registered came to get vaccinated and then there the drama of it all.  By drama i mean well you have the normal office drama and all, but remeber it was during this time that you had a run in with the traffic police and well you got in trouble for it huhuhu... still waiting for th aftermath of that particular effect huhuhu... 

to be honest the year was a much of a blur cause mainly i was focusing on the stuff i was doing then but after all that on september we were ask to return to our old place of work which was a bummer cause i was actually enjoying the stuff i was doing. Now i am back in the old office i was getting a lot of good vibe back from everyone that was nice but to tell you te truth i still would like to be tranfered of the prticular department and well it seem that it might be done soon enough. well i need to get stuff done at first then i guess i need to be  ready to get stuff transfered,    

i guess that all i need to say about what happening last yar, this year well we play catch up with everything medical appointment and stuff, my sleep test was back on the calender after that we have the endocrine plus the neck problem and the physiotheraphy and much much more, then we have the CPAP Trial to see if the machime would actualy help in my condition and if it actually a better choice then anything else, i am trying to get at least a full 8 hour sleep so i really get back to the optimal self if that was actualy a thing or me just being lazy and blaming it on the condition to justify that it was not on purpose that i was lazy at all. i hope i can get a machine for my sleep apnea it will surely help me a lot and after that then i can get myself out of the department and be somewhere they are going to appriciate me .

that me for now

the huggable ben  

2021.... i had so high hope...

 

Well why do we thinking that when the year turn from 2020 to 2021 suddenly everything will turn for the best. All the trouble that we had will just simply go away and 2021 is the year when we all get to go back to the way it use to be. Well shockingly!!!!! it did not.

My stories October 2020, when the second wave of the pandemic has just erupted in my state of sabah and well everything when arry at that time, Second lockdown are back, PKP.2.0 or MCO 2.0. Somehow the next phase does not have high stat of helping like the 1st one cause although it was the second time MCO happen the people does not see to understand that without everyoneplaying their part it would not work at all.  we had a small break during xmas and new year. People are given opportunity to met up family and friends. that should be good rite but well nahh... rather than just have small family gath, people are planing lavish party and wedding... that so iresponsilble rite? but hear me out. all story have a second part, or a back story and nothing is as it seem. Although people understand that it would be dangerous they would be doing it because it might just be their last opportunity to do so.. weird kind of mentality but heyy if you take the time to listen, to them it might be, we never know. I heard this before MCO 2.0 actualy. People want to see their family and love one cause they honesty believe that it was the coming of the end of the world and it might be the last time they spent the time together. 

Rubbish right, at first i tahought that too. But when recently i have friends that had pass on not from the pandemic, but was from natural causes. you kind of think that yeah life is to short and the unability to say the thing we want to say to someone before  they actualy gone hurt a lot. really a lot. I learnt this before and well we have other technology thatt can help us get in touch without endangering people by spreadinig the viruses when we travel. Some people thought when they think they are not able to see their love one for the last time it really clouding their judgement in what they do. I advise people who wh to get married to just get registered and be formal and the party can be done on a later date, where we can do more planning and such. But i get it, some are a result of years of planning and effort so no able to celebrate it like the way we want it can be not favorable.

January pass just like that in a blink of an eye.. nothing much happen just existing and occasionally poping in the office to see if there is anything that the office might need to be done. February seem to be the same thing, nothing that was plan or can be  plan for the month, just existing and  be there for the sake of being there. 

there is no Ash weds Mass, I have been to church for the last month, i cant go back for mom bday end of this month and i miss my new nephew so much... pluss my fluffy bam bam too,,,, hurgghhh,,,,, hope it all be over soon and we can be back to the way it usedto be....

So lets plan our Funeral....

Covid -19 had really change our life as a whole, i never had guess that in the modern world and with all the advance technology that we have, this particular virus had really cause the world to stop and think.

During the lock down something that i had the abundant of time to do was to think about death. I am in my late 30, i am obese as you can see my picture and i do have some medical condition. I am a Type-2 Diabetic on medication, i have borderline HBP and occasional if i control my food intake Gout. Some people call this the trio of sickness. hehehe...

So with all that if i should have contracted the virus (knock on wood!!) by theory i would not have a chance of surviving it because i have a pre-medical condition that does not help in the particular virus attack hence the bleak outcome if well i would be dead.

So since i was far away from family when the lock-down happen, i was thinking if i am to died i would not like to trouble my family with the transport and stuff. I have some relative that had died here and the family would bring them back to my hometown and the cost of that logistic is astronomical. I don't want to burden them if that ever happen to me. 

So lets plan our funeral.. 1st step we plan what to wear in the coffin, i would like to wear a hermit habit if that was possible, but you have to be profess to do that so i just want a simple plaid shirt and jeans, i would think that to sleep in jeans is comfortable, so my last journey why not plaid and jeans on my second journey. right? 2nd i would make a video of my last day, to thank everyone whom had remember me and came to my memorial, ask for forgiveness  and final goodbyes to everyone, and hope my family would play it during my memorial. Made a 40 days and 100 days video too and 1 year memorial video too.. had it all..

3rd, as a catholic it was never really a norm in my community to cremate their love one remain, it is seen as a practice from a pagan culture. But the Vatican has come up with a document to allow cremation, so i would be cremate and only my ashes would be brought back to my home town. The video will help for the memorial and cremate is better if it was the virus so it brunt with me and does not effect anyone else.. I ask my family to make me a small columbarium at our family plot so i would always be near my love one. i would not ask for flower instead ask my family to do some charity in my memory. See simple and meaningful. So if i should pass away during this pandemic this is what i ask my family to do so it would not burden any of them.   

We end our lock-down and i got transfer back nearer to my home town, i am grateful for the opportunity and as we say before change is the only constant. so let learn something and adapt to our new environment. 

During lock-down with the abundant time i had i was pouring myself into the movies at Netflix and you-tube content and i find out something i really want to so soon, i would like to go camping with my love ones, nothing fancy like glamping or anything just maybe near a river or stream with tree and blue morning sky and stary nite sky. that would be lovely, we are around the camp fire and telling everyone what up with everyone life. yeah that would be very fun indeed.

So yeah, if we really think in a calm situation we can really accept what ever that would come in our life journey hehehe

that all for now

The Huggable Ben 

Change is the only constant....~~~~

The last entry was last April 2020 huh? well it was during the MCO and there was actually nothing to do than just sleep and eat and sleep again. It was the first for everyone, to be stuck indoor because of the pandemic. I cant imagine the front liner situation at that time. But i am thankful for their effort. 

So what happen since then?, well... biggest one of all i got transferred back to my home state.... although might not be back at my hometown, at least it was my home state. But i was not even a year in Temerloh rite? yeah and almost 4 month of that time i was at home during the MCO. So actually to be honest i was there only for 4 month actually. But hell was i glad that i am going back to Sabah.

First thing first, it was a hassle to move around during the MCO, going to KL or anywhere in between. Everything is close and even the essential one are sometime close because there was not enough people to manage the shop. so there was many many hour spend on the tab. enjoying all the show and catching up with the you tuber that i was following all this while.  

come to end of may i had to make a choice, to stay until CMCO end on June 9  or fly back to sabah at that time. If i fly back i had to do my quarantine and the risk for my parent and newly born baby nephew... but there was another trouble brewing. The house issue come to light i was told by previous tenant that the owner would not return the deposit for the room i renting so in order not to was the deposit we need to plan the move efficiently too. And as i left the room i was told he was not gonna give me back the deposit because the room was dirty lar the bill was high lar anything that you can think off, so i was like hurmm i guess it already but well i need to leave before he can charge me more. so had to leave for KL on Hari Raya then off balik to sabah.

Had to undergo 14 days of quarantine which was ok in a way cause well i was with my family, all my test was negative and everyone seem to be healthy except that i was having some leg problem that turn out to be mystical, demn it.. the thing came back but it was another spices not like the old one. Which remind me that i owe my parent for the fee of the ritual.

after the quarantine, we had to plan our journey to Sandakan... yeap i was posted in Sandakan. 7 hour drive from my home town. Luckily my cousin come to the rescue cause they also wanted to go on a journey have the long hiatus of MCO. Then i am here.... more detail on the next entry about the whole ordeal we had to endure but for now this Fat tiger after MCO is here trying to settle down in a new place and a new job that is new although once i did get into before in the old dept... 

You see how far the story went off topic from the initial topic which is the real reason why i wanted to do an entry today....

This Fat tiger-dugong just Pass the Entree Exam for the Office Post ...yeahhhhh!!!! but well that just the exam, then there is the interview and such, and there is only 15 post for the vacancy. So well we need to study and make note on what important for the post and be ready i guess... 

for a while there havent been any great news for me, there was the news that why nephew was safely born, he is a cute buddle of joy indeed. hehehe.... but today 16 July 2020... i pass the exam... will i pass the other task of interview? well lets hope it will to.... that you big guy up there....

The big huggable Ben  

MCO Day 22 – Marie Kondo-ing My Room

Yup Its day 22 of MCO, and just finish join the live streaming of Maundy Thursday Mass From Sacred Heart Cathedral. It is a bit sad that this year there no new Candidate for Confirmation and First Holy Communion. Most Sad would be to see that those whom are really into the holy week every year and this time we cant really do the mass cause of the MCO and to fight of the Covid 19 Attack in our country. Sadly we are not the only one facing this. Catholic all around the world are facing this. For the first time in my generation I guess that the churches are close for the holy week.

So what have I been doing? Well a friend come to visit and help bought some groceries and had a nice chat with an actual human being, although we do keep our distance but hey a hug before a friend leaving us is important, and since we were really staying in our home not meeting anyone so think we are safe hopefully. I am so grateful that a friend come over checking up on me help buy some stuff cause the shop nearby are running low in supply also and that just it although food delivery are allowed many provider don’t because the low demand of the product is just not enough to cover their cost, hence although we understand why we kind of think that well we don’t really think about what we buy before we can’t buy them anymore. For example bread we used to buy once a week and sometime we don’t even finish them and they go bad. Now we can’t even buy it and when we do I for one only buy one loaf because that all I need for the week, and that how long it normally last. Why buy more? If you have a big family and need to provide for them I can understand. But those who panic buy them? Why? Its not going to last that long. That why food production is consider a front liner because they provide food supply for us.

We are going of topic hahaha… I was going to tell you about what have I been doing, for the last 3 days I haven’t left my house at all because my groceries run are all done when my friend come over. So stuck in the house we start re-watching youtube vedio on marrie kondo method. Got inspire and well that was what I am doing. Channeling what bring joy and what not and hence what not get donated and what bring joy are repack and ready to ship. Wait~~~ shipped to where?? Soon enough you will tell you. For now let just say we have 5 box ready… we just need the tape them up and bind with plastic.

Well that from me on the MCO 22^nd day

Huggable and hermetic Ben

  

Day 18 of the MCO….Shadow people..

Well last night had to sleep with the lights on cause the shadow people are back weird things is that I had prep everything that might cause them to now come back to the house but when I move to the master bedroom. I move the location of the particular stuff to set up the barrier up.. I forgot that the movement are not really where it supposed to be. So I had to move and add some of the stuff so the circle is complete. Hopefully they won’t come back. Although they don’t really do anything that really hazardous  just that the shocked from the glimpse of them are really annoying and it put thought in your mind that you really don’t want to be thinking in the middle of the nite trust me with that hahahaha..

So the order from Shoppe arrived today. I tot it was a clear plastic but it was actually packet with an address pouches hahahaha.. Well I don’t really mind since I have used for it too to compartmentalize the stuff I am packing for the whole move.

Haven’t had any job for the last few months since I had move from the big city.. owh you know what? I think I need to change the name of this blog from the big city to just the big town since I am no longer in the Big City just a small town in the middle of the peninsular living an hermitic life hehehehe….

I saw a quote today about how when you get older and wiser you then to have a silent private relationship who knew will know who does not then you need to be relevant to know who I have a relationship with if you not relevant MYOB ~~~ hehehe…long distant relationship? Yeah cant be help but I am so happy that I can have a relationship after so many heartbreak along the way… almost believe that I don’t deserve to have a meaningful relationship. I should just be a slut…and you know enjoy the flesh than understanding the meaning of love…ala giteww hahaha…

I need to prepare the stuff for the job I have taken, I hope there gonna be a few hundred RM from ths which can really help me in my traveling move after the whole MCO ended….

Anyway I just heard a good farewell greeting…

“I See You When The World Healed~~” so meaning for us I think

The Hug-gable Hermetic Ben

MCO and The Big Move ~~

Day 15 of MCO, as always it almost been 3 months since my last entry...I can’t believe that was held up with so many stupid things that normally won’t even effect my wellbeing but because of its small yet significant issue I had me going like down ward spiral ever since.

Being the hermitic life that I am not, only allow myself a few excursions with friends here and there, much to my amazement that I have been trying to maintain something that was just stupid for me to do in the first place. A friend tries to warm me but because I haven’t seen the truth in that particular way yet at the time, I honestly didn’t see it. At last something happen and truth become clearer than ever before, hence stern action was taken no matter what. It did cause some confusion at 1^st but then again what new it the life of chubby Ben.

It been 13 years and more since I started working and a lot of stuff happen during these time that change my life considerately. But I think in my own word. I had enough of this and it’s time for me to get back home or near to home. And I actually started the event in motion unintentionally. I keep my prayer short and simple asking for help in trying to get my life back in order, and actually in some way it does during the MCO. Enough time for myself to do some spring cleaning and further de-clutter and actually reducing what I really need until I got the news that change is coming in another few week and hence I just realize that how much thing I got to reduce in order the journey back for the coming changes soon.

Come to think of it I am getting a bit sad that I have to be on this journey and leave my friends behind, some of them have been with me for such a long time that I really think that I be very sad to no hang out with them again soon. But change is the only constant hence I make new friends soon but my old friend will forever with me in my heart and on social media. Hope they come visit me soon and maybe we could have a very nice trip to where I am going.

Everything seem to fall into place at the moment, setting me on a path that would make me grow even more I hope. Yeah it’s a bit far but like that the best I can do for now… hopefully soon I could do and much nearer place to my hometown. The fiscal unbalance situations now also seem to have a great solutions hence I hope by the time all this isolation movement has come to an end and we are able to fight off the virus attacking human kind we would be on a better situations and moving toward to be a better person…wuuuuu~~~ cant wait.. Thank you big guy up there~~~~~

Huggable Hermitic Ben……