Friday, November 7, 2014

7 long years~


I had tried to just keep it boiled inside yet it has it way to come up, on 29 of October he would had been 40 year old, that it when people say life start, yet sadly he has passed. Leaving those whom really miss him, although this year I did get an incredible experience, one that I had not felt for several years.

In my belief system, it a sign that the person heard our prayer on the other side, that great for me, mean he heard my prayer all this years, cause it was very heartbreaking and for a moment at that time I would had thought there was a plot twist and he turn out to be alive. Yet after accepting that it was only a person whom looks alike, the hurt it was almost like 7 years ago when he passed.

Last Wednesday, was the anniversary of his passing, the whole day I was smiling, although behind that smile I was crying silently inside remembering him. His thought never ever left my mind these past few days.  I guess my guardian angel saw the gloom I was in, behind the smile I put, He ask for blessing for me, where I was able to see so much beautiful thing and got to meet such beautiful people too. I smile yet that small scar on my heart ache during this time.

When will I ever see the spark of light on the shoulder of a person whom I care, I might have seen it, but yet the spark I saw on him will linger until it is my time to cross to the other side I guess. I just keep on praying that when it my time to cross over, I could see those whom I care in front of a sparkling gates of pearl..

Be bless my friend, I miss you very much!

The Huggable ben




Monday, August 4, 2014

The Pro Bono Consultant

I don’t have a very active social life like some of my friends do, and as many of my friends know I am a very good listener. That how it all started actually, some of my married friends like to think I am their private marriage counsellor, somehow I did help a few friends with relationship problems but by using communications skills that I learn from college and method pick up when I was a peer counsellor at school.

From a few of that success methodology, friends refer me to their friends and success in that session then 
they would refer me to other whom well to their knowledge in need of help in relationship matters.  Does not matter that I am not married and I am not really a qualified therapist or counsellors in any way. I only have a 3 credit hour course in psychology in my communication course.

Recent event got me to questions myself about what am I doing for these people. Hence an extraordinary turn of event that I got me introduced to a doctor. In which I refer one of my so called client to because of some underlying problem that are not manageable via communication method.  

So the doctor asks me to meet him at the hospital where he is practicing. And because well I got nothing to do that weekend I went to see him.  The first question he ask me was, “ Are you a counsellor?” I answered that my studies are in communication, the little counselling and psychology training that I have. “Basically friends who have a friend, whom he or she thinks need to talk about their relationship would refer them to me, and we will talk and see if we can find the source of the problem and then they handle it.” I continue. 

The doctor continues “do you charge any fee?” I answered “not really, I am not running a business here, I just talk to them, plus I am not a certified to actually charge a fee to anyone, I am just helping, but they do buy the coffee when we are chatting though” I reply

“ I see, because I never had anyone refer to me by a non medical individual before, but you concern on the problem in letter you wrote was spot on it seem” he sip his coffee and look at me. “Well my friend ( so called client) was having some relationship problem, but all my communication method does not seem to work, plus they were a sweet  couple, so I did some reading of any underlying symptom and he presented with some which I then refer to you.”

The doctor put down his coffee and “why don’t you get certified?”  I answered “ well I am still studying now, completing my degree in communication, to get certified I need to enrolled into a psychology study which will cost me like Rm20K to complete”  The doctor continue “ so you can’t charge the people who come to you because you are not certified, but you can’t get certified because it cost too much, well that seem to be a paradox” I giggled and continue “my goals is to help, not to do business, issue which is out of my league I refer to professional like you,”

“It would better if you were certified” say the doctor “why is that?” I ask. “well because I wanted to refer a few people to you, and if you were certified then I would just tell them I am referring them to a certified counsellor”  I reply “ erm… well I don’t think that a good idea doctor, I mean my method are solving communication problem, other issue I refer to other professionals”   “well the people I got in mind are those whom I think have communication problem but they think it’s medical in nature”  my answer was just a nod to the doctor.

“well then I got your number, you got mine, I be sending people to you, which I think is in your skills set to help and I be calling you a Pro Bono Consultant then ok”  I smiled “ that got a nice ring to it doctor, thank you for helping my friend the other day and I hope I could consult on you if I run into problem medical in nature?” “Sure Joven, just give me a ring” the doctor get up, shake my hand and was on his way.

Just like that, until I can get myself certified, I be “The Pro Bono Consultant” .. plus a ninja always a ninja~~~ WUUUU~~~~~


The Huggable Ben

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The fluffy eccentric dream *blush *blush



I have one favourites movie actually, “Practical magic” Staring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, it is the go to movies when I need to felt warm and fuzzy after maybe a rough day.

But one of the best part of the movie was when the song “This Kiss” from faith hills was played. It was the first kiss for Sally.

And during my fluffy eccentric dream last night that was the exact song that was playing.  Why I called it eccentric because it deviate from my normal kind of dreams.

It remind me of my first crush, my first kiss, my first make out, my first…… you know all the first stuff~~ it remind me of all of that… *blush*blush*blush

It not wrong to dream about stuff like that right? I mean it’s just a dream, but I can feel the blush after I woke up until dawn, the fluffiness and softness and the warmth of the hugs too. Hahahaha~~~ (=^_^=).

The thing I don’t understand about the dream was my house was near the sea, and I was when scuba diving and like something about lot of people came to the house then  well, the fluffy fluffy part  and I finally got to hear the words “finally, I wanted to do that for 16 years” hahahahahahaha~~~ (=^_^=)….

Well I know it was just a dream, but It felt nice, thanks big guy up there, I know it’s was from you, *wink*wink…..send it again if you don’t mind…. I like it very much… (=^_^=)…~~~~


The Huggable Ben~~~

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Battered And Bruised

Was like, “no longer freshmen year, no longer sophomore year, we in junior year and soon be seniors~~ we got this in the bag~~” oh my dreary blessed big guy up there. How wrong was I indeed, But then that just prove that there are always something to learn at every level in our life, even though we think “been there, done that” something new will always arise.

This semester I felt how it was to be backstab in a school project, first time I meet a such non-deserving freeloader that I was not even felt any regret or sadness for that particular student would not graduate this semester? Would karma get me back for what had I done? I am not sure, but I had given them ample time to at least show interest on the subject and I would put their name on the project, but “Nahhh~~” they were too busy even to write a simple SMS asking for an SOS…. An non-examination subject does not have a special examination for graduation, hence they have to repeat the whole semester…haaaa~~ feel the wrath~~~!!

I am such an evil team leader… (T_T)…. But this semester was amongst all my semester the most numbered of assignment done, although the least final examination paper there is. So yeah pros and cons I guess. But with at least 4 assignments with at least 5 page each. I was very challenging indeed. Being almost a senior year student, I learn a few tricks, Sleep is important, it release your stress and refocus  yourself, so don’t lose sleep, planned all assignment well, you never lose any sleep cause the stress level is manageable in that way. Hehehe…. But it also help to have a few eye candy to smooth the whole semester huhuhuhu~~

So I was not able to write anything on may or june, wanted to go back to hometown during the harvest festival but that didn’t happen. Wanted to go on a beach holiday, that didn’t happen also. But well at least up to the last doc appointment I lost 5kg, which u probably gain back during raya, hahahaha…

Got an interview for the post of assistant Investigator, but as predicted I fail the physical hahahahaha~~, I knew I would fail it but the people at the  civil service commission was so persuasive that they would look at my BMI which they did, hahahahahaha~~~ but we’ll Never give up, more interview soon~~~!!

Raya is right around the corner, hope could get some nice chance for a short holiday soon~~ Wuuu~~

Aite that all for now

The Huggable Ben

Sunday, April 20, 2014

My Guardian Angel Easter Charge~~~~~

Talking about my guardian angel, I envision him a huge a totoro.. with even bigger wings and a huge paws…. Most people would say that not an angel… an I would say to those people… he is my guardian angel I can envision him how I would like too… wuu~~~….

So today is Easter Sunday, and well let me tell you a story that happen to me this morning. Every year during the lent season, one of my personal traditions are, I took a Lenten petition envelope put a glass bowl on top of it and use an amethyst crystal as a paper weight. And since Ash Wednesday every morning after I wake up, before I go to work or out, I put 1 ringgit say a little prayer and today was the day I take all the money in the bowl and put it in the envelop and drop it at church after mass. This morning, I don’t usually count how much money in the bowl I just put it in the envelope. But this year the envelope got to bulky. I was wondering maybe the church ordered a smaller size. But this was the extra envelope from last year petitions.

So I started counting the money that I have from the bowl. It was double the amount than it should, I know I only put 1 ringgit a day, but there are 80 ringgit here, I try to think if I had but some extra ringgit but nope, I don’t remember putting any extra ringgit. The more I think about it the more I come to term that, I guess my guarding angel was putting the extra ringgit. I envision a huge totoro with huge wings and a ringgit in its paws, putting it in my bowl, it just make me all fuzzy and warmth. So I took another envelope for the petitions, I wrote “from ben” on one envelope and “from ben guardian angel” on the other one.

My dear guardian angle, I know whilst you were watching over me, sometimes you must have face palm yourself and say “owh ben what in the world are you doing?” but I pray to big guy up there that he would bless you too … * hugs to my guardin angel…


The huggable Ben

Saturday, March 22, 2014

The twitch in march..

I am a very superstitious person, I read tarot card as a hobby, I see small environmental sign and spell casting on a very inspirational night. but yesterday my left eye start to twitch  and my study in the metaphysical tell me that I need to watch my back, something out of my comfort zone would happen.

So I did just that, did not buy anything expensive. Did not go out late at night, did not go travelling for the whole day until well you guess it, I fell asleep whilst watching one of my favourite detective drama on tele “Castle” and wouldn’t you had know I broke my glasses…(T_T)… my couple of hundred ringgit worth of glasses that I order a month ago.

But I should be great full that it was the only thing happen, when I check the damage on the glasses, I realize that it has sharp edges and can easily cut my eye. So at least it did not turn into a tragedy to me just to my wallet this month.

Classes are starting soon, and we would stationary and textbooks and all other stuff. Well honestly I been in these situations countless time and made preparations on every occasions, but well sometime things just happen that we could not have predicted like what just happen.  

I need pizza….wuuuu~~~~~


The Huggable Ben

Sunday, March 2, 2014

March Jammed…


Well yesterday I got the privilege to be informed, that the road leading to my office would be close for the next two day. I did inform them in my FB updates but it seem that well none of my office mate notice or even understood what I meant, because well yeah, a main road closure should be inform to the public at least a week before it happen.  Although from a reliable source, mention that announcement was made through various media, the public around here are annoyed by what happen.

Tenants at around the area were really angry with the organizer of the event I think, because that all what I am hearing since I arrive at the office. Not only shop tenants but also office staff around the area which was also affected by the road closure. Tenants was not able to open shop on time because they were stuck in the massive jammed cause by it and office employee are coming in the office late for that same reason.  

But then I remember when I was working at Putrajaya, the biggest event of the year would be the youth day.  Every road would be closed to any traffic, for the whole week. But well I enjoyed it because there was so much activity to do.

That is why although I am hearing complaint over complaint; I am very excited that there is a concert in front of my office tonight.  Am I bad for not feeling empathy over all these complaint, I am not because I do feel empathy towards them. but it’s not every day that we have a concert in front of our office.  So why not just enjoy it after that then we discuss hehehehehehe..~~~~



The huggable ben