A writer whom does not write?

That me, I like to say that I am a writer but for the past few months the amount of writing I had made would be ermm… 1 blog last February… oh my gosh what had happened to me? If I am in the scout movement,  I would have lost my writer badge already.

I just had an epiphany I want to write, I may or may not be publishing in the form of books or other formal publishing but I have this blog and that would be enough for me I think, for now. Who knows maybe someday I may just finish the novel that I had always wanted to write and all. The longest written work that I had done for the past 4 years would be my academic writing which is also 1/3 of charts and statistic. But well deep in my heart I still want to write. So I will write here a place where I can express myself and only judge by those who follow me hahaha. But I can be bother about that now I just want to write.  

I am taking a diploma in theology soon, I am doing it because I wanted to learn more than the Sunday school syllabus that we all had been through before and there are some much more than that I wanted to learn about it. Which when I was young the adults would always say that it was not at my level to understand. Yeah, I might not be able to understand it at that time; maybe I would be able to understand it now.

Well, that would be the new me updating my blog why. just to remind me of what to write on the next one, this pic will help.

The huggable ben 

The January Late Post~~hold on…it already February~~~

After the last post what have I been doing? Well to tell you the truth I been finding ways to continue my masters studies which I was offer this month, for the whole length of my holiday, I was thinking how do I going to do the studies. And well deferment is the only way I think.

November 2015 was the only month I can remember what had happen during the whole month, I remember I apply for a post and had to go to HQ just to wait nearly 4 hour to get a copy of a document which was so stupid because it was just a simple task but because some shenanigans that they wanted to maintain as so called ruler of the organization yet does not even understand how to read the rule or any supporting document until it is shove in their face I guess.

Yeah hectic month November, but not as hectic as December because well I had to finish everything before going back for the holidays luckily meet up with a fun lecturer from northern east coast which I help to help the lecturer student which I found out was actually helping that lecturer to complete that lecturer studies. But his guidance on how to do master really cleaq my view on it. Maybe one day when I have the ability to continue my studies I will.

The holiday I was focusing more on the family, more cooking more spending time with everyone although hectic with the new babies in the house and the old one too, hehehe.. love it a lot. Got the chance to go to church more frequent and then got to know about the new religious order of single individual which was wow in a way.

My gosh almost end of February and well I can say as much for the months I forgot to update.. trying to frequently type my story but well I hope mac would be the month I start

The huggable ben~~

The Gap in between~~

You know with the amount of time that I am supposed to have after finishing school I would have to have a lot of time to catch up with my blogging, but I turn out that I have less time to do such thing since I am sorting out messy arrangement in the office, Need to catch up with all the back log and form more procedure to simplified and optimizing the effectiveness of my task finishing methodology.

What big work usage… hahaha…. Yeah it been a while since the last paper of my final exam and almost two month since the result of my final semester was announce and I am really stoic about it. Although I did not gain the privilege to obtain the “First Class Honors” since my CGPA is 3.48 just shy of 0.02 point, but at least I finish it on time, 8 semester and within the contract of my sponsor, which remind me had not receive anything from them in a while now, does this mean I am off the hook or maybe some more bureaucratic shenanigans in the future.

What to do now? Master degree? Find another job? run of to become a hippie or maybe a hermit? Hahahaha… I am not sure… suddenly the same feeling 4 years ago before I continue my studies came back, what to do now? What should I do?.... maybe this moment between the convocations which will be next year… there clues to what to do next……

The huggable ben 

All Things Are Passing

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This year I was heavily influence by the Carmelite religious order, so much so that I did a novena where I found calmness. I wonder why? I had always known about the order since long ago, but all this time, I had only able to visit the monastery last year. I thought at first that was the reason why I am really affluence to the order… yet after almost a year I finally understand why…

Carmelite orders are and order that focus on finding the higher up with prayer and meditation. “how would you find peace in chaos? You find peace in contemplating silence and prayer” that was what one of the Nuns of the order says. And yes in the world where I am living now chaos and hectic-ness are the norm. Nothing can actually be too quite. There gadget and environmental sound almost everywhere now. So how do we find our own self? In one of the order prayer there is this verse which say “all things are passing; only God is changeless. Patience gains all thing”.. I pin up that prayer on my cubicle and every time I need to find myself. The prayer really does help.

31 June 2015 my grandma pass away, my heart sunk and broken since the last time I saw her was last December. I could not hug her tightly that time because she seem fragile, I was afraid that I might hurt her if I gave her a hug, I was only able to give her a kiss and hold her hand for a while. Franticly I went to find a flight ticket back home but to no avail. I might have missed the funeral. The morning after I saw the prayers pin-up on my cubicle and start to recite it over and over again to find a way to calm my heart. A few moment after I got a call and it’s a friend whom got me a flight ticket that evening. I was thankful to my friend because if not I would had regret it for the rest of my life. When I was on board that flight my tears can’t stop flowing for the whole two hour journey. Yet it was not because mow she are gone, it was because I was remembering everything my grandma had done for me on during my younger years. I guess I always thought she be there forever. “All things are passing” now I understand.

The Huggable Ben

2nd 2015 Entry~~~ OH MY GOSH!!

Its June Yeah… dam… what had happen for the past few month? Well a lot actually..

But the reason I am putting this entry today is so that I would not forget the dream I had this morning. 

It was about Abg Nizal, I can’t remember the last time I dreamt about him, although the thing that happen last year, where I thought I meet with his doppelganger was a nice remembrances .

But today at dawn the dreams was so sweet, It was finding him in the mist of crowd of people. I grab his arms and say “eyy… where have you been?” we actually had a short conversation and then he say he had to go back, I say I follow him there, but he say you don’t know how it is there, you may not understand. But I insisted, but then he left me in that “somewhat market place”. 

Next I found myself in a house near a beach, and I was mad at his for some reason and lastly he pop up on the window saying sorry and he had to go now but he missed the moment we were spend together.. we hug and I woke up form the sound of frantic massages about the earthquake at Mount Kinabalu…. I felt warm and fluffy until I realize Abg Nizal was no longer with us…

I sat on my bed, quietly thinking maybe someday we meet again my dearest friend, until that time come you always be in my thought and prayers~!!

I hope I never forget the warm feeling I got in that dream, hope the big guy up there let me see him sometime… 

The Huggable Ben~~

1st 2015 Entry~~~ OH MY GOSH!!

It march, yeah almost three month in the year 2015 and this is the first entry in this blog where have I gone to for the past 4 month? I am not sure myself, but during those time there were times where I wanted to write something but there something or someone always make me forgot that I have anything to say in here.

So how was the holiday? Well I wanted to go somewhere but I was told it was not possible but in the end it was but it was too late for me to do so. Hurmm… that was a  bit hurtful for me but well we can’t have all that we want right?  But it was a quite holiday with the family, but my holiday was tarnish with the amount of school work I have to do because well even though it was semester break, all assignment is due and well it coincide with my year-end holiday. But I discovery something weird, since I am always in the office or at school and there always computer nearby, I never thought I need to use the Cyber café services. As it turn out, I need it and because of that I ravage my hometown to find out that neither the Cyber Café have any office software. Cyber café are the new game arcade for today’s youngsters. So they don’t really need the office program. I had to go to the city just to type and send my work online.

But the come New Year, and everything went well, then come final exam and it was a struggle but was able to get through it although got so stress up. Although the calmness was from the presence of friends and family I guess hehehehe……

At the Office receive new cubicle and yes again we need to rearranged everything and have to buy some furniture of the office to be used in the office and then suddenly the office want to do 5S, anyone whom knows me would understand, I do not like the 5s system in the office environment, because it cut up creativeness of the staff and feel like in a prison where everything are design to look the same. How does that help in productivity and staff morale? I wonder.

Then comes February…well the famous question, what did you do on Valentine day?....honestly I was watching some Pokémon anime, and I remember that I have a save a ROM of the game, and started playing the game the whole week, so what did I do? I went to Sinnoh region to attend the indigo league hahahahaha……

It was also when the final exam result come up… honestly my tummy was like playing the song of his people because I was a bit stress up during the finals. It turn out to be fine.. Although that mandarin was the reason that my grade point average drop slightly but was still able to maintain in on the average level.

So come the registration of my last semester *hopefully*. And then I realize, I went over the credit hour limit, I am not sure why… but I just went for it and it turn out great the university allow it and yes I have 6 subject this semester accumulating 21 Credit Hour and yes hopefully my last semester. 

The great office move

Well my second last entry was when I was still at the old office locations, then rite after my last post we had what we called the great office move, where we were practically just packing and moving stuff around and by mid-September we were all start moving to the new location and I have to say the hectic-ness become more  and more severe than the normal working day, even though we postponed the office duties for the great move, almost all the time we are was just constantly moving and shifting and packing and unpacking stuff.

The new office was bigger and more light I guess, with lots of window and I can actually see the KL tower from my workstation out the window. Although because we are facing the east, morning is a bit warmer in the office, since the sun was like beaming directly in to the office. But that not such a bad thing cause It was actually good to get a chance to see the sun during working hour once in a while.

For some disturbing justification by the administrations I was move to another unit and although I strongly disagree my top management justification was I might be able to improve the new unit I was posted, which I doubt because there nothing wrong with the new unit at the moment. But as  a subordinated we can’t say much if they won’t listen right?.

I finally got a course this year, one was French language, but because of the great move I was not able to fully focus on the course and well it just went half way. Then I was invited to attend the asset course at my number one training facilities. Then after that suddenly I was offer another course at Terengganu, which I was tempted to attend but unable to because I already attend one similar course. Hurmm… so sad, I would have loved to go to Terengganu.

And now, November had arrive, I got my flight ticket going back home, and my mood had switched to Christmas although yeah it is still November, but I guess I need the holiday so much that i can’t wait to get back home.

The Huggable Ben