This is me…..

This is me..this is who I am…..what I wanted to say is, in the past I change myself, so that I could complement other. But all that sacrifice doesn’t mean shit, so I come to a conclusion, why should I change for anyone? Why? Because in the end it would just backfire and hurt rite in the heart, where all the emotion is store….

That is why something people say that I am shallow when in come into the matter of the heart. With all the relationship I enter I am hurt in almost each one. I still believe in love but at the moment my heart can’t really handle it. If I could show you how my heart looks like, you might see something like it came out of a war.

As a healing, I gather a lot of friends, because next best family friends are the next best thing. Because they are there in you low and up. I am a shoulder to cry on because I know when I need it, they be there to give their shoulder for me to cry on.

I can’t change for anyone, because this is me, you accept me as I am. If you can’t.. I did not force you too.. Because this is me, myself, it took a lot of effort to strengthen my heart to face this harsh world. And I am still not fully healed to face another emotional attack.

Accept me for what I am, and I promise you, you will earn a royal and caring friend…


The Huggable Ben

I Prove It.....

Yesterday I was able to prove to myself that I have move on, about one issue. Best sangat I finaly got to put an fullstop on it. Tapi secara tetiba biler issue tue bagi pendapat ben ler dah selesai, my heart suddenly hurt (not from the medical point of view!)

Jadi I took the nite life of kl, Gi explore the nite life of the city…Peh..tak sanggat jumpa ramai plak ex classmate, siot jer korang kan…. Harus baik gilos tahap naga kat kampus tapi kat luar aiyoo…..

The friends, the loud music, the free style dancing, even the poco-poco… which is hilarious….. Really put a healing balm on my heart.. hehehehe…

Although rasa cam light headed trus balik jam 5 pagi tadi, it really takes my mind off the issue at hand. Skrang the rest of my friend is still sleeping.

Jumpa ngan member2 lama semalam betul melancholic sanggat.. dah dewasa kite skrang kan… hehehe….classmate sekolah menengah mana korang semua biler nak buat gathering. Teman Kolej…. Dah banyak jumpa semalam biler planning buat gath plak?

Hehehe ……I felt better this morning… although rasa cam burn out skit.. nothing medication can handle.. ehehe

Ben

Nervous (Gemuruh)….tapi napa erk?

Sooryy the 1st blog entry for 2009 nine is upload only after 16 days hehehe.... to much stuff to say but to little time...

Dalam pengalaman ben, perasan Nervous ni cuma berlaku biler kte akan jumpa ngan seseorang atau sesuatau keadaan yang akan mengubah kehidupan kita atau pandangan ben terhadap sesuatu, Paling latest ialah The Bowling tournament biler ben dapat lihat dan kesan perubahan sikap seorang kawan yang selama ini cuba untuk sembunyi perasaan beliau dengan berlagak agak sombong. But It’s nice to say that the real person came out eventually.

Tapi Gemuruh yang ben rasa dari semalam agak lain skit. Sebab Gemuruh ni mmg sanggat kenal, tapi tak mungkin sebab ben dah buat perasaan ni jauh2, Isk tak nak ler jadi cam kawan yang tetiba jer menghilangkan diri beliau tanpa sebab. Mungkin it’s a start of a brand new friendship or business venture, tapi still ben rasa hairan dengan gemuruh yang ben rasa skrang. Dalam kepala, betul ker ni? Boleh caya ker ni? Hehehehe…. Lucu biler difikirkan, cam budak2 plak… apa2pun ben harap perbincangan kali ni lebih menarik dari yang lepas, tahun ni cam belum ada pekara yang menarik berlaku, mungkin hari ni? Sapa tahu kan? aii masih gemuruh ler… nak gi minum ler… hehehe… Have a nice weekend everyone!!

The Huggable ben

December Is here....

December is here…and I still don’t get it why I have a strange felling this morning, plus a strange dream last nite…

But anyway, I felt like something I need to do something about what I want to do… I felt like doing something more then just what am doing now. But the dream suggest that I should wait… hehehe.. I guess my subconscious mind is rite in a way.

I was asked, why did I run off escaping from the city any chance I have, the first thing people would think is that I am having a crush on someone to be constantly be doing that. No not really. I don’t have a secret lover. Just me…

I was trying to understand, what happen recently, what could I have done wrong….then I realize.. I did nothing, I was the same person I was before, and if that does not complement together with it than I better of with my own way I guess….

If you are confused….you on the rite track, since this is not a full blog, just snippet from my thought, and my mind is as confuse as you see at this moment …

Hug muah!!

The Huggable Ben

A shocking statement……..

It started as a regular day today, nothing much plan, and well nothing much to look forward too… but a surprising statement came out from the most unexpected person.. KG admin was looking for the office daily news, but when KG admin couldn’t find it, KG admin came to my desk asking for it, since I was using my head phone… I couldn’t hear KG admin at first but then KG admin grab the head phone and say “ben sayang mana paper hari ni?” I was like …..huh??? what did you say??? Hehehehe…… although KG admin was just joking at that time, but nevertheless is almost like getting something impossible, like a movie actor miraculously knowing who you are.. Although KG admin is not really someone as famous as a artist, just that is one of the KG one of the always want but could never have.. so similar lar kira….

Hehehe a very short one.. but I need to let it out to stop the blushing…. Hehehe

The Huggable Ben

Are you serious? Do you really think I care?

I put this status message up a yesterday, and I got a ton’s or reply, asking what happen, what did they miss and all, just then I realize I haven’t been updating my blog recently. Yeah I had been really quite for the past few weeks. A friend actually ask if I were like hospitalized or something because I always at least update my bulletin. Well I am not hospitalized or anything it just that is almost the end of the year and the amount of work load is piling up. Plus I am having my year end holiday soon so my boss is really piling it up.

What up with the KG and stuff? Nothing much actually. For the past week I was making a effort to finish almost everything that need to be done. So if I go on my holiday, it would not affect my unit so much, I mean there only three functional staff there, and one other staff who have enough experience. Let’s just see what this year will bring. What new issue it will bring? So exciting rite…. hehehe

I need to finish something before I can continue on with another.. but well I still working on this, problem is there just to much for me to finish and time have not been very kind to me at the least. So I planning and fine tuning everything so that I finish it without any a hassle.

Let’s get back to the status message. It was meant for someone indeed but only the person concern would understand it. So if you don’t, it means that that statement was not for you! Hehehe, funny that everybody thinks it was for them, but when I ask why they think so, they themselves aren’t able to answer it.

I have so much to plan and finish, I finally realize I don’t give a damn about other stuff, and making a statement that I am miserable here because a petit issue, well the answer is my status message… “are you serious? Do you really think I care?” and some addition to that” That I give a damn about that?” ….. seriously.. if you think I do, you seriously need help!

Hehehe.. that my mental notes for now…. Until the next blog…. Hugs!!! To all!!

The Huggable Ben…

Happy Anniversary To Me….!!

Yes! Yesterday on the 9 of November 2008 was my 2nd anniversary of being a responsible (really?) mature (are you sure about this?) Adult (felt old with this statement!) but indeed it’s been two years as a Government Officer, although is not really going to be where I work for the rest of my career life. I hope one day I could be like my friend who is having their interview as a secretary at a Malaysian Embassy Oversea…(Europe and Japan wait for me!!) I wish you guys all the best and if you got the post, I would like souvenirs when you guys come back home.

Had a very nice dinner yesterday a buffet seafood restaurant at Sunway. Didn’t ate a lot, just enjoying the chat while waiting for the food to be boil in the steamboat. The ice cream was nice though. Was fun chatting and getting everyone together. Fun part about it is that our counterpart north! In Penang was also having their dinner at a buffet restaurant too. Funny that happened rite….

Few more week to go before my big holiday plan to commerce cant really wait, but I have to, and have to put on the best face to face the yearly appraisal season “The SKT” is due soon.. hehehe…hopefully this year I at least could score more than last year.

Week left until we say goodbye to 2008….

The Huggable Ben Mashimaro