June of unsettling emotion

I think this more is my lowest month indeed, i did not think I could be so low after been at the place for more than 5 years.

 I could not believe that at the moment when the last person of significant had left, i was the new target of the devils eyes. I thought to myself that this could'nt be happening after all this time of avoiding the devils eyes. But I have to accept that I am one of those people who was on the list and is was a matter of time before that devils eyes would turn to me.

At this time I am home sick because I really wanted a holiday from all this shit. But I wasn't able to do that. I could not believe that this month would be the month with so many shit happening at the same time. I totally think that i need a long rest.

I was so stress that I almost resign there and then. I know it was crazy, but I was so stress up, and there was nothing else I could think to do. Thanks for the call form ayah, that cool me off a bit and finally i ask to be given a sign to help me discern, what am i suposed to do.

And finally I saw the fourt and the fifth sign actually, and made up my mind. I decide it is time for me to leave my secondary nest.

 In five year, I have seen all those who had been with me in high and low here, move to greener pasture, I might not know if the condition of a new place would be better of worse than the old nest. But at least I can find new experience and things to learn and new people to meet.

 The old nest have thought me a lot of skills and I had observed lot of people behaviour to trained myself on how to dealt with them. I wish that I would never have to move because honestly there are people who are dear to me there but I lost the passion I had once in that place.

 So I pray that I would find a new place where I can be more myself than where I am today. I pray that I be as happy as I was before, like when waking up in the morning and the secondary nest is where i want to be.

Would I be sorry? probably but that is a risk I am willing to take and face by myself.

 The Huggable But Emotional Ben

The May Day!

Why do i say so? Well is was a sudden hectic month. Honestly i did not anticipated it to be a hectic month indeed. 1st i got my Mandarin course to handle. Plus the project which hasn’t finish yet until now, i cant seem to finish them, ad hoc jobs seem to pop up everytime i have a free time to do it.

The assigment submiting month is also may, all final assigment are to be submited by this end of this month. So yes apart of the project we still have the assigment, also need to put more focus in to it too. With the test and much more to do i am sure i am overwhelm by it.

The there is the health issue that pop up also this month, the doc pre diagnose me to have OSA, which is Obstructive Sleep Apnea, means i did not have enough oxygen went i sleep. The test to comfirm it is ok but the problem if the test prove positive the machine to rectify the problem cost 8 grand...shock me indeed! But if it will effect my health i have to do it also. I could apply for funding but this will requiere mork task to do..... there is just not much free time in may\

The other task that i was involve would be MAHA Choir, and APC Choir plus the Dj on Hari Jutaan Belia, which i all because my passion to sing and all hahahaha i was Blinded by the light of “Fame” hahahhaha...

And that all i have at the moment, i need to go back and do more asignment hohooo....

The Huggable Ben

The April shower..

I am doing this blog on a rainy day so hence the title…


April had come at last, which also mean that my 41 days of fasting carbonated drinks is also over, I calculated for it to end on my birthday rather than it supposed to end at 8 April, because I would like to be able to celebrated my end fasting for lent on my birthday. I would like to thank a lot of my friends who had sent me well wishes on my bday. Thank you also for the great dinner. But the end of march was not only my Bday it was also the start of my second semester, which also my third semester because I am taking some extra subject to compensate the contract tenure that I have with my employer..really forgot to read the fine print… hahaha… no biggy.. just a month of full class and assignment… shouldn’t be that bad (I wish!)

The job that was supposed to be finish during march got delay and had also continue into the month of april so yeah totally awesome month indeed (If I make it out without being admitted to the hospital!)

Let’s review the new semester, I had taken 6 class, 5 are mainly theories and writing and the last one are designing project. I have Dr Jamal which is quiet a nice guy indeed, his notes are complete and instruction is clear. Just don’t miss an assignment deadline. I have Mr Ramesh who don’t allow us to talk in Malay in class so that we practice our English language ability, plus he can read lips just like me..hehe scary..and the assignment are something that we normally do in the office, so yeah more writing.

The next one we have En. Norsham, My favorite lecturer up-to-date… hehehe.. Clear instruction and easy to understand lecture plus a very dandy fellow… totally gonna try to get another A maybe an A+ in his class hehehe. After that we have Dr RG…I should be proud that I have a publish author and a regular columnist to teach us News writing, but…..he has all this talent and experience, how are we going to ever match up to his expectation?

Dr Amirul….a very energetic lecturer who love to talk a lot, very passionate in his field of study (journalism) but his assignment was to review a 300 page book in 10 pages…uuurrrgggghhh!!!! I am so blinded already hahaha. Dr Dani is my last lecturer which is a timid person who has a vast knowledge on anthropology, because he seem to be talking a lot about culture and stuff, but because of his timid nature, I kind of get bit sleepy in his class, not that the subject are not interesting (I am totally not into history) but a whole day class would drain anyone’s energy…hohohoho….

I lost 4 study Pen drive, I drop it somewhere I guess, cause I couldn’t find it at all, so had to buy a new one but at the moment are filled with office related work rather than study work. Have to learn to organizer save stuff.

So that it for the earlier part of April, until now I am able to manage the study and work load, I hope I can totally manage it until the end of the semester.

Wish Me Luck!!

The Huggable Ben

The Month Of March…..

I never knew that the month of February would just pass me by without me posting anything, actually there was a lot to say during February but there was so many things happening in such a short time I guess even with an extra day in the month, hey who knew it wasn’t enough huh?

But February did past by just like that, I guess I enjoy the month because it went so fast, in actuality it was a very stressful month indeed, first there is the project that has a deadline in march so very the “tergolek-golek” and  the late niter at the office, but after the last meeting are done it seem that everything had cool down a bit, though still have some stuff to pursue, I need to negotiated further for it.

Every time there is an early pay because of a holiday it is always a hassle to do any type of “bajeting”, but I notice that,  It was during this time that a lot of financial thing tend to pop up, I mean my phone went haywire, the run out of meds, need a new appliance, the new bills and many more. Actually I had anticipated it to appear, but apparently I did not see it coming when a few changes started to pop up at the same time, new portfolio and responsibility to do. So yeah it was actually a stressful month indeed.

Enough about the stuff that was stressful, let’s see what was very nice during the month of February, Mom birthday and the best news ever, got my first semester result,  out of four subject I got 2 A – (Sociology and Media Studies) 1B(Photo communication) and An A in Effective Speaking. My Gred Point Average for this semester is 3.70 and that mean I got my first Dean Badge ever… and I am so happy about it, I mean at least for once I earn a Dean Badge and although I was hard work, with a few sleepless night for assignment, study and tiring ride to class which is a whole Sunday. But it all was worth it.

Then I realize something, I found that I was so stress when things that I do, are altered because someone else say it was the wrong way, but when the actually revelation come to be, what I was doing was right all along, the only thing that was wrong was the idea came from me. But if there was anything to blame it was not forward to those who say it was wrong but the blame goes to me. That is the true reason why I got so stress out recently. If I was blame for the thing that I did wrong, I kind of occay with it, I mean I was wrong let me fix it, but when my work are interfered by others and the blame still goes to me than that just suck!!. 

That another reason why I can’t wait classes going to start, I know is going to be hard and tiring, but it is all me, the good the bad and the learning is all me, I am going to reap the benefit and I am going to take the blame for every mistake I make and not for other people mistake.

Anyway, its march, its lent, and it supposed to be the time I am most happy and nothing going to mess that up (I hope!) , am I able to gain another Dean Badge? I surely hope so, Like a Pokemon Badge if I receive 6 I would be entitled to fight at the bigger league and would that be fun.

Wish me luck and good health for the new semester and the new experience that i meant to go through. for another month,  another semester and  another project to finish soon…

The huggable Ben…

The Chinese New Year Holiday…

Is it a holiday? Hehehe…actually it is… I have a week of free time in my hand…so what do I do? I went amulet hunting…. For this year the year of the dragon…a few amulet is needed..(don’t sweet it on true user  would understand…) but to no avail because well most of the shop I knew is closed and those which are open really put a high price on it since it quite rare I guess. So have to postpone it until after the New Year celebration.

Since the CNY came early this year…and there are so many thing happening at the same time, I did not plan anything for the holiday, I went to the cinema but none of the new movie seem attractive enough for me to watch, those which is interesting  I had already seen. So yeah I don’t have anything to do. So I am taking my Camera and go Lion Dance Hunting If there still any troupe left here in Kuala lumpur.

A lonely guy in kuala lumpur…what am I to do?. Maybe I go shopping for…errrmmm…shirt? Or maybe a new undergarment? Yeah that a really rare fine indeed hehehe... I meant I can’t stay in the house watching anime all day (they are to touching to watch...on a holiday) brought my swimming trunk along if I suddenly fine a nice place to go swimming that be a nice thing to do…jumping into a body of water be nice…ermm that be a great idea actually…well I hope everyone had a nice holiday…and prosperity all year long…

The huggable ben

The January post...exam and change..!!

Hello beautiful people!!! hohoho.... my first posting of the year...actually I wanted to do one on new years eve but got distracted so much!! that I wasn't able to do any posting.

Well year end holiday was great, I had a blast, although got some hiccup along the way I still manage to enjoy the holiday to the fullest. I mean Christmas with the family and wedding... a record of 3 wedding attended in two weeks time. Got to travel with my sis to Keningau and got some awfully nice shoot for my photography assignment at Tambunan, even my lecturer think so... have I mention that tambunan is so beautiful especial during paddy harvesting season? wow.. the best view ever!!

and although the was nothing much happening during new year... I got drunk during Christmas ..thanks to my uncle's but well that something that rarely happen so it's ok rite.. hehehe...new year was chicken wing feast party with family and watching movie at HBO until midnight, then have a couple of glass of red wine that all...wish my nephew robbie could join us at that time, that be great.. someone to help finish the beer we had hahahaha....

but all in all I really enjoy the time I spent with my family and friends back home, hope to see you guys again soon!!

Well the January came rolling by.... what happen in january.... Final Exam!!! this semester I have two paper Media and Sociology. And Media was already taken on the 4rd of January.. so I thought that was the end of that paper... then I heard that we all have to re-take the paper because some full time student got caught for cheating I guess, Omgosh!!!! I can bear the thought of re-studying back the final paper because my head was already focus on the Sociology paper...wuu~~!! so unfair!!

But a student mission is to pass all the required subject...and as a good student (so to say) I will do my best sir!!! wuuuuuu~~~!!!!!

At the office I just got transfer to another unit... and actually cant wait to learn new stuff.. I been at my old portfolio for more than 3 year and I really need a change, and I am glad to do it... *wink *wink... hehehe...

the huggable Ben...signing out..!! hugg!!!

The hermit ...….

I guess I wanted to write about this for  a long time now, but I never found a reason to do so, but well I guess I finally have a reason to bring back the stories. I wrote a book once, never get publish because it was too extreme for Malaysian reader according to the jury at that time.

The stories about a man who was curse by the spirit guardian because, he misused a gift given to him, this curse would then bring bad luck and misfortune to the people he loved..in the end the only thing he can do was to leave them and watch them from a far, he will always be lonely but his happiness come from watching those he loved happy from afar.

I tot the book was going to be an only copy, it turn out I got an inspiration to do a sequel, the hermit who was curse to be lonely forever find someone he care so much, that he is willing to do anything for that someone..now the problem is the curse is still there… and the hermit knows what he has to do…but his heart tell him, this person is so special, you can never get this person out of your heart…but he had too.. or the person he care about would always suffer misfortune and stupid bad luck…

The ending of the sequel was, that person live happily, enjoying his life, and the hermit as usual only happy to see that person happy from a far…although his heart breaks and loneliness haunt him again, it was the right thing to do..his sacrifice for the happiness of others.

The funny part about the two books it never got publish, and it was based on a true account story…” you had grown up I guess, and you have a whole life a head of you  but you can’t move on until I bring the curse away”…..the last word the hermit has say to that special someone…. “ I be watching you, just from a far away place.”

If it only stay as a story…wouldn’t it be a nice dramatic one rather than a heart broken life stories….