All Things Are Passing

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This year I was heavily influence by the Carmelite religious order, so much so that I did a novena where I found calmness. I wonder why? I had always known about the order since long ago, but all this time, I had only able to visit the monastery last year. I thought at first that was the reason why I am really affluence to the order… yet after almost a year I finally understand why…

Carmelite orders are and order that focus on finding the higher up with prayer and meditation. “how would you find peace in chaos? You find peace in contemplating silence and prayer” that was what one of the Nuns of the order says. And yes in the world where I am living now chaos and hectic-ness are the norm. Nothing can actually be too quite. There gadget and environmental sound almost everywhere now. So how do we find our own self? In one of the order prayer there is this verse which say “all things are passing; only God is changeless. Patience gains all thing”.. I pin up that prayer on my cubicle and every time I need to find myself. The prayer really does help.

31 June 2015 my grandma pass away, my heart sunk and broken since the last time I saw her was last December. I could not hug her tightly that time because she seem fragile, I was afraid that I might hurt her if I gave her a hug, I was only able to give her a kiss and hold her hand for a while. Franticly I went to find a flight ticket back home but to no avail. I might have missed the funeral. The morning after I saw the prayers pin-up on my cubicle and start to recite it over and over again to find a way to calm my heart. A few moment after I got a call and it’s a friend whom got me a flight ticket that evening. I was thankful to my friend because if not I would had regret it for the rest of my life. When I was on board that flight my tears can’t stop flowing for the whole two hour journey. Yet it was not because mow she are gone, it was because I was remembering everything my grandma had done for me on during my younger years. I guess I always thought she be there forever. “All things are passing” now I understand.

The Huggable Ben

2nd 2015 Entry~~~ OH MY GOSH!!

Its June Yeah… dam… what had happen for the past few month? Well a lot actually..

But the reason I am putting this entry today is so that I would not forget the dream I had this morning. 

It was about Abg Nizal, I can’t remember the last time I dreamt about him, although the thing that happen last year, where I thought I meet with his doppelganger was a nice remembrances .

But today at dawn the dreams was so sweet, It was finding him in the mist of crowd of people. I grab his arms and say “eyy… where have you been?” we actually had a short conversation and then he say he had to go back, I say I follow him there, but he say you don’t know how it is there, you may not understand. But I insisted, but then he left me in that “somewhat market place”. 

Next I found myself in a house near a beach, and I was mad at his for some reason and lastly he pop up on the window saying sorry and he had to go now but he missed the moment we were spend together.. we hug and I woke up form the sound of frantic massages about the earthquake at Mount Kinabalu…. I felt warm and fluffy until I realize Abg Nizal was no longer with us…

I sat on my bed, quietly thinking maybe someday we meet again my dearest friend, until that time come you always be in my thought and prayers~!!

I hope I never forget the warm feeling I got in that dream, hope the big guy up there let me see him sometime… 

The Huggable Ben~~

1st 2015 Entry~~~ OH MY GOSH!!

It march, yeah almost three month in the year 2015 and this is the first entry in this blog where have I gone to for the past 4 month? I am not sure myself, but during those time there were times where I wanted to write something but there something or someone always make me forgot that I have anything to say in here.

So how was the holiday? Well I wanted to go somewhere but I was told it was not possible but in the end it was but it was too late for me to do so. Hurmm… that was a  bit hurtful for me but well we can’t have all that we want right?  But it was a quite holiday with the family, but my holiday was tarnish with the amount of school work I have to do because well even though it was semester break, all assignment is due and well it coincide with my year-end holiday. But I discovery something weird, since I am always in the office or at school and there always computer nearby, I never thought I need to use the Cyber café services. As it turn out, I need it and because of that I ravage my hometown to find out that neither the Cyber Café have any office software. Cyber café are the new game arcade for today’s youngsters. So they don’t really need the office program. I had to go to the city just to type and send my work online.

But the come New Year, and everything went well, then come final exam and it was a struggle but was able to get through it although got so stress up. Although the calmness was from the presence of friends and family I guess hehehehe……

At the Office receive new cubicle and yes again we need to rearranged everything and have to buy some furniture of the office to be used in the office and then suddenly the office want to do 5S, anyone whom knows me would understand, I do not like the 5s system in the office environment, because it cut up creativeness of the staff and feel like in a prison where everything are design to look the same. How does that help in productivity and staff morale? I wonder.

Then comes February…well the famous question, what did you do on Valentine day?....honestly I was watching some Pokémon anime, and I remember that I have a save a ROM of the game, and started playing the game the whole week, so what did I do? I went to Sinnoh region to attend the indigo league hahahahaha……

It was also when the final exam result come up… honestly my tummy was like playing the song of his people because I was a bit stress up during the finals. It turn out to be fine.. Although that mandarin was the reason that my grade point average drop slightly but was still able to maintain in on the average level.

So come the registration of my last semester *hopefully*. And then I realize, I went over the credit hour limit, I am not sure why… but I just went for it and it turn out great the university allow it and yes I have 6 subject this semester accumulating 21 Credit Hour and yes hopefully my last semester. 

The great office move

Well my second last entry was when I was still at the old office locations, then rite after my last post we had what we called the great office move, where we were practically just packing and moving stuff around and by mid-September we were all start moving to the new location and I have to say the hectic-ness become more  and more severe than the normal working day, even though we postponed the office duties for the great move, almost all the time we are was just constantly moving and shifting and packing and unpacking stuff.

The new office was bigger and more light I guess, with lots of window and I can actually see the KL tower from my workstation out the window. Although because we are facing the east, morning is a bit warmer in the office, since the sun was like beaming directly in to the office. But that not such a bad thing cause It was actually good to get a chance to see the sun during working hour once in a while.

For some disturbing justification by the administrations I was move to another unit and although I strongly disagree my top management justification was I might be able to improve the new unit I was posted, which I doubt because there nothing wrong with the new unit at the moment. But as  a subordinated we can’t say much if they won’t listen right?.

I finally got a course this year, one was French language, but because of the great move I was not able to fully focus on the course and well it just went half way. Then I was invited to attend the asset course at my number one training facilities. Then after that suddenly I was offer another course at Terengganu, which I was tempted to attend but unable to because I already attend one similar course. Hurmm… so sad, I would have loved to go to Terengganu.

And now, November had arrive, I got my flight ticket going back home, and my mood had switched to Christmas although yeah it is still November, but I guess I need the holiday so much that i can’t wait to get back home.

The Huggable Ben

7 long years~

I had tried to just keep it boiled inside yet it has it way to come up, on 29 of October he would had been 40 year old, that it when people say life start, yet sadly he has passed. Leaving those whom really miss him, although this year I did get an incredible experience, one that I had not felt for several years.

In my belief system, it a sign that the person heard our prayer on the other side, that great for me, mean he heard my prayer all this years, cause it was very heartbreaking and for a moment at that time I would had thought there was a plot twist and he turn out to be alive. Yet after accepting that it was only a person whom looks alike, the hurt it was almost like 7 years ago when he passed.

Last Wednesday, was the anniversary of his passing, the whole day I was smiling, although behind that smile I was crying silently inside remembering him. His thought never ever left my mind these past few days.  I guess my guardian angel saw the gloom I was in, behind the smile I put, He ask for blessing for me, where I was able to see so much beautiful thing and got to meet such beautiful people too. I smile yet that small scar on my heart ache during this time.

When will I ever see the spark of light on the shoulder of a person whom I care, I might have seen it, but yet the spark I saw on him will linger until it is my time to cross to the other side I guess. I just keep on praying that when it my time to cross over, I could see those whom I care in front of a sparkling gates of pearl..

Be bless my friend, I miss you very much!

The Huggable ben

The Pro Bono Consultant

I don’t have a very active social life like some of my friends do, and as many of my friends know I am a very good listener. That how it all started actually, some of my married friends like to think I am their private marriage counsellor, somehow I did help a few friends with relationship problems but by using communications skills that I learn from college and method pick up when I was a peer counsellor at school.

From a few of that success methodology, friends refer me to their friends and success in that session then 

they would refer me to other whom well to their knowledge in need of help in relationship matters.  Does not matter that I am not married and I am not really a qualified therapist or counsellors in any way. I only have a 3 credit hour course in psychology in my communication course.

Recent event got me to questions myself about what am I doing for these people. Hence an extraordinary turn of event that I got me introduced to a doctor. In which I refer one of my so called client to because of some underlying problem that are not manageable via communication method.  

So the doctor asks me to meet him at the hospital where he is practicing. And because well I got nothing to do that weekend I went to see him.  The first question he ask me was, “ Are you a counsellor?” I answered that my studies are in communication, the little counselling and psychology training that I have. “Basically friends who have a friend, whom he or she thinks need to talk about their relationship would refer them to me, and we will talk and see if we can find the source of the problem and then they handle it.” I continue. 

The doctor continues “do you charge any fee?” I answered “not really, I am not running a business here, I just talk to them, plus I am not a certified to actually charge a fee to anyone, I am just helping, but they do buy the coffee when we are chatting though” I reply

“ I see, because I never had anyone refer to me by a non medical individual before, but you concern on the problem in letter you wrote was spot on it seem” he sip his coffee and look at me. “Well my friend ( so called client) was having some relationship problem, but all my communication method does not seem to work, plus they were a sweet  couple, so I did some reading of any underlying symptom and he presented with some which I then refer to you.”

The doctor put down his coffee and “why don’t you get certified?”  I answered “ well I am still studying now, completing my degree in communication, to get certified I need to enrolled into a psychology study which will cost me like Rm20K to complete”  The doctor continue “ so you can’t charge the people who come to you because you are not certified, but you can’t get certified because it cost too much, well that seem to be a paradox” I giggled and continue “my goals is to help, not to do business, issue which is out of my league I refer to professional like you,”

“It would better if you were certified” say the doctor “why is that?” I ask. “well because I wanted to refer a few people to you, and if you were certified then I would just tell them I am referring them to a certified counsellor”  I reply “ erm… well I don’t think that a good idea doctor, I mean my method are solving communication problem, other issue I refer to other professionals”   “well the people I got in mind are those whom I think have communication problem but they think it’s medical in nature”  my answer was just a nod to the doctor.

“well then I got your number, you got mine, I be sending people to you, which I think is in your skills set to help and I be calling you a Pro Bono Consultant then ok”  I smiled “ that got a nice ring to it doctor, thank you for helping my friend the other day and I hope I could consult on you if I run into problem medical in nature?” “Sure Joven, just give me a ring” the doctor get up, shake my hand and was on his way.

Just like that, until I can get myself certified, I be “The Pro Bono Consultant” .. plus a ninja always a ninja~~~ WUUUU~~~~~

The Huggable Ben

The fluffy eccentric dream *blush *blush

I have one favourites movie actually, “Practical magic” Staring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, it is the go to movies when I need to felt warm and fuzzy after maybe a rough day.

But one of the best part of the movie was when the song “This Kiss” from faith hills was played. It was the first kiss for Sally.

And during my fluffy eccentric dream last night that was the exact song that was playing.  Why I called it eccentric because it deviate from my normal kind of dreams.

It remind me of my first crush, my first kiss, my first make out, my first…… you know all the first stuff~~ it remind me of all of that… *blush*blush*blush

It not wrong to dream about stuff like that right? I mean it’s just a dream, but I can feel the blush after I woke up until dawn, the fluffiness and softness and the warmth of the hugs too. Hahahaha~~~ (=^_^=).

The thing I don’t understand about the dream was my house was near the sea, and I was when scuba diving and like something about lot of people came to the house then  well, the fluffy fluffy part  and I finally got to hear the words “finally, I wanted to do that for 16 years” hahahahahahaha~~~ (=^_^=)….

Well I know it was just a dream, but It felt nice, thanks big guy up there, I know it’s was from you, *wink*wink…..send it again if you don’t mind…. I like it very much… (=^_^=)…~~~~

The Huggable Ben~~~