I am still finding my rhythms

I am still at a state of limbo I guess, haven’t really found my rhythm at the new place. I have to admit that it is nice here, but as I say I haven’t found my rhythms yet.

This even show up in my sleeping pattern, normally I get home and directly fall asleep because of the hectic-ness but well at the new place I am more of slow and steady pace. But for someone who had already been used to the hectic-ness. I am well a bit. Blur by the change.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I don’t like it here. Just that maybe I miss my old friends there. I have new friends now, but well i guess this is another phase that I had to go through in my life, In order to grow wise like the old oak tree.

But I think I am getting there already, I am trying to find ways to make my task more realisable and doing much more than normal yet not to much that it that it would be overwhelming huhuhu..

Although I am thinking on how to make the most of my free time since travelling time had been reduced dramatically hehehehe... neyway glad that I getting along...

The Huggable Ben

The dream...

Well my last post was about my Facebook acc was hacked, I guess it is just a font for the admin to check whether or not you are a human or a cloned account for someone who is stalking someone else hahaha...

Well at dawn I had a weird dream... a very weird dream indeed, but I like the dream alot, because it was something I wanted to do for such a long time yet unable to do so because well “moral constraint” hahahahaha... owh come on it is not a notti stuff, it a cute stuff butt well I don’t think the general population would be able to accept it huhuhu... but the dream spark something in my heart, it make me care for something which I normally stay away from.  But that just me I guess, always have that one time, where it start popping up once in a while, I'll buried it soon in some way, so it would not end up hurting my heart again .... huhuhu, this is all because I started the dream enhancer ritual which supposed to increased your awareness during a dream which meant you have total control, yeah that be nice if it really does work rite? But the dream was very nice indeed, I like it so much huhuhu. Because ? as i had say just now, something that I would like to do but unable to do so because of “Moral Constraint”...erm.. I wish I could tell someone about it but the rule is, until I fully understand the massage the dream brings, it could never be told to anyone.

It the Raya Season, food is abundance during this season, so of course we have to see what we eat so that we would not overdo ourselves, but yeah this is the season to break the rule. I love all the Raya food around me hehehe. But tomorrow is blood works day and let see if the doctor is in favour of the result or not ... but I need to change my meds so I can manage my diabetic better I guess.. huhuhu~~

The Huggable Ben

MY FB ACC WAS HACKED!!!

Doing this post to inform that my FB account was hacked at 4pm 29 august 2012, anything where from me is not me but from the hacker...

peh...fofular siot aq sampaki Acc nak kene HACK.....

Aisey!!!

Thank You St Jude!!

I Promise that when I start the novena I would invoke people to pray to St Jude. Yes The Patron Saint of lost cause. When everything seems to be have no hope and miracles would appear.

But yes, being a Neo-Hermit myself (what that? If you don’t understand what it is, then you won’t understand If I explain it either) I would be lying if I say I have my doubt, but if your sincere with your request and understand the implication of it. You would be able to see the gift which no one else would be able to.

For Example, you hungry, so you ask for KFC, you may not get KFC but maybe you meet someone whom might bring you to KFC and buy you a dinner plate... that now what happen to me I am just giving a simple example for you to understand.

So I am Posting this in my blog.. to say Thanks to St Jude, for I had ask you see in my heart what I really need and help me to find what I had lost which is “passion”..

With a sincere heart and lots and lots of patient.. My prayer was answered..Thanks you Saint Jude!!!! Through your intercession he had answered me.....Thanks you again

MGBU everyone!!!!

June of unsettling emotion

I think this more is my lowest month indeed, i did not think I could be so low after been at the place for more than 5 years.

 I could not believe that at the moment when the last person of significant had left, i was the new target of the devils eyes. I thought to myself that this could'nt be happening after all this time of avoiding the devils eyes. But I have to accept that I am one of those people who was on the list and is was a matter of time before that devils eyes would turn to me.

At this time I am home sick because I really wanted a holiday from all this shit. But I wasn't able to do that. I could not believe that this month would be the month with so many shit happening at the same time. I totally think that i need a long rest.

I was so stress that I almost resign there and then. I know it was crazy, but I was so stress up, and there was nothing else I could think to do. Thanks for the call form ayah, that cool me off a bit and finally i ask to be given a sign to help me discern, what am i suposed to do.

And finally I saw the fourt and the fifth sign actually, and made up my mind. I decide it is time for me to leave my secondary nest.

 In five year, I have seen all those who had been with me in high and low here, move to greener pasture, I might not know if the condition of a new place would be better of worse than the old nest. But at least I can find new experience and things to learn and new people to meet.

 The old nest have thought me a lot of skills and I had observed lot of people behaviour to trained myself on how to dealt with them. I wish that I would never have to move because honestly there are people who are dear to me there but I lost the passion I had once in that place.

 So I pray that I would find a new place where I can be more myself than where I am today. I pray that I be as happy as I was before, like when waking up in the morning and the secondary nest is where i want to be.

Would I be sorry? probably but that is a risk I am willing to take and face by myself.

 The Huggable But Emotional Ben

The May Day!

Why do i say so? Well is was a sudden hectic month. Honestly i did not anticipated it to be a hectic month indeed. 1st i got my Mandarin course to handle. Plus the project which hasn’t finish yet until now, i cant seem to finish them, ad hoc jobs seem to pop up everytime i have a free time to do it.

The assigment submiting month is also may, all final assigment are to be submited by this end of this month. So yes apart of the project we still have the assigment, also need to put more focus in to it too. With the test and much more to do i am sure i am overwhelm by it.

The there is the health issue that pop up also this month, the doc pre diagnose me to have OSA, which is Obstructive Sleep Apnea, means i did not have enough oxygen went i sleep. The test to comfirm it is ok but the problem if the test prove positive the machine to rectify the problem cost 8 grand...shock me indeed! But if it will effect my health i have to do it also. I could apply for funding but this will requiere mork task to do..... there is just not much free time in may\

The other task that i was involve would be MAHA Choir, and APC Choir plus the Dj on Hari Jutaan Belia, which i all because my passion to sing and all hahahaha i was Blinded by the light of “Fame” hahahhaha...

And that all i have at the moment, i need to go back and do more asignment hohooo....

The Huggable Ben

The April shower..

I am doing this blog on a rainy day so hence the title…


April had come at last, which also mean that my 41 days of fasting carbonated drinks is also over, I calculated for it to end on my birthday rather than it supposed to end at 8 April, because I would like to be able to celebrated my end fasting for lent on my birthday. I would like to thank a lot of my friends who had sent me well wishes on my bday. Thank you also for the great dinner. But the end of march was not only my Bday it was also the start of my second semester, which also my third semester because I am taking some extra subject to compensate the contract tenure that I have with my employer..really forgot to read the fine print… hahaha… no biggy.. just a month of full class and assignment… shouldn’t be that bad (I wish!)

The job that was supposed to be finish during march got delay and had also continue into the month of april so yeah totally awesome month indeed (If I make it out without being admitted to the hospital!)

Let’s review the new semester, I had taken 6 class, 5 are mainly theories and writing and the last one are designing project. I have Dr Jamal which is quiet a nice guy indeed, his notes are complete and instruction is clear. Just don’t miss an assignment deadline. I have Mr Ramesh who don’t allow us to talk in Malay in class so that we practice our English language ability, plus he can read lips just like me..hehe scary..and the assignment are something that we normally do in the office, so yeah more writing.

The next one we have En. Norsham, My favorite lecturer up-to-date… hehehe.. Clear instruction and easy to understand lecture plus a very dandy fellow… totally gonna try to get another A maybe an A+ in his class hehehe. After that we have Dr RG…I should be proud that I have a publish author and a regular columnist to teach us News writing, but…..he has all this talent and experience, how are we going to ever match up to his expectation?

Dr Amirul….a very energetic lecturer who love to talk a lot, very passionate in his field of study (journalism) but his assignment was to review a 300 page book in 10 pages…uuurrrgggghhh!!!! I am so blinded already hahaha. Dr Dani is my last lecturer which is a timid person who has a vast knowledge on anthropology, because he seem to be talking a lot about culture and stuff, but because of his timid nature, I kind of get bit sleepy in his class, not that the subject are not interesting (I am totally not into history) but a whole day class would drain anyone’s energy…hohohoho….

I lost 4 study Pen drive, I drop it somewhere I guess, cause I couldn’t find it at all, so had to buy a new one but at the moment are filled with office related work rather than study work. Have to learn to organizer save stuff.

So that it for the earlier part of April, until now I am able to manage the study and work load, I hope I can totally manage it until the end of the semester.

Wish Me Luck!!

The Huggable Ben