I am typing this trails of thought in a coffee shop, i dont think i could proof read any grammar mistake and migjt mix it a bit. A true account of what happen until today.
From july 31 last year i am not sure what happen but a few huge stuff indeed. Did some nice huge project too. And yup i fell in the comfort zone to much i think. Come december 2017 this i think was the best time in my recent life, i got to be with my family. My cousin to be exact. The trip was objectified to be a buy stuff trip. My feeling about it more about helping one of my cousin to overcome a huddle in his life. And it was beautiful too because i got to cacth up something that i witheld for so long from my family. And got to release all my emotion back to my fluffy rabbit. Did a simple xmas party and well got most of the family back home. I love it, it was like i achive something that make me and my fam happy.
Normal January 2018, come feb, went back to celebrate mum bday and retirement plus side my family cny that i had been missing for the last 11 years, can you believe that, i havent celebrate cny with family, my mum bday for 11 years, why???? Well because i was working, and today i realize that it was no for nothing..
Come mac and april 2018, something happen, something huge that i did not prepare for. A huge hurddle for me indeed. Got link to a mistake that was so minute in my years of expirinc3 but because something major happen, i am the target for the big wolf. No matter what happen it seem that i would be thier aim.
The goverment change, i was happy that i was part of that particular historical event, i was the GE14 staff for the election. And happen to be it was the GE that made history. Once that over i thought i was clear. Need to start to rebuild myself from the downfall...boy was i wronged.
Who is your friend, that was the game in may, who is your friend when the big guns uses not a direct move, something in which we are prepared for. The lowest technique ever. Pysch people around me, make them think i am bad, coming from someone with position well it look believable indeed i think and everyone start to agree that i was the bad one. I just couldnt believe how effective that method was.
Had to used the big gun, isolate myself and sacrifice the believe that everyone was there cause i been so helpful to them i have been so commited to the work and it will proof that our sscrifice before are worth it.....not...
Tehy used everything that i have done to help them before as the reason for being the bad person. Officially i was the black sheep, the one that everyone can sacrifices and be done with it. Remember when i say that i was training a hermitic life? I did know the big guy up there was preparing me for this year. A hermitic life indeed, you keep to yourself and tried to overrried the issue untils it dies down the we can make some changes....
It seem that this is a theme, after 6 years at the old dept, some issue arise and i was transfered. Now after six years at the new place, another huge issue arise. Is it time for me to click the transfer button again?...i just might have too..
Though i s1till hope that i would be just tranfered out of the dept without me applying for it. People at my work place might find this as a suprise, but i do have friends and love them, i might loose them once i am transfer, but i think that just it, i loose myself or them....they might just be a long distance friend rather than a close one soon.
That why i feel broken, why did this thing happen? Why must everything changes. The i remember a saying. "Change is the only constant", thing that does not change will be history. To grow and develop we muct change.
I visited melaka this weekend, i spend at my usual haunt when i was a bit younger when i knew someone there and well it taught me that if melaka did not change, it will never be as develop as it is now. The memories linggers and resonace in my head, but it has change and the memories is what we must hold to remind us of what had happen.
Slowly i must accept that the only way i can be back on my feet is to change, this time maybe slower but a change is needed. A huge trip is coming soon, another issue might pop up..
This remind me of a story when i first came to the current office, there was a staff from my island too. I wanted to be transfered back to his hometown because want to be near the parent that was not doing well. His application was never entertain, and he decided that to trow everything and went back home. I thought to myself, why trow everything that he has work so hard for? Now i realize that the department and the job was not worth more than family. Last nite i was wacthing a movie call stardust there was a line that say " i am not a shopboy, i am a boy who works in a shop, and i can work somewhere else".... this hit me too... i was worry about the pension that i might loose without this job but what is a pension if one loose themself in the process?? You can get back the time you missed just because work come in between you..... find something that make me happy and not to please someone on the top that would instantly sacrifice you in order to saved themselve
I wrote to much already, heheheheh but ......to be continue~~~~~
